Not Buying It

I don’t shop on Black Friday (and definitely not on Gray Thursday). I like to save money, and I love to find a good deal, so why wouldn’t I love Black Friday?

Most of my purchasing is for things that I need, but I also do allow myself some things that are just wants. However, I do not buy things that I don’t really want. Black Friday and related days are about buying stuff that I’m supposed to want.

Most people buy things that they think they want, things they are told they need: fancy cell phones, flat screen TVs, and high-power blenders; 50 pairs of jeans, 100’s of T-shirts and even more shoes; New luggage, new computers, and new gaming systems; DVDs, name-brand sneakers and toaster ovens.

Do these things really make anyone happy? Has anyone ever gotten a high out of using their new blender? Do you watch all of your new movies and conclude that your life is awesome? Do you jump higher when wearing your new basketball shoes? Does your new cell phone really make you more connected? Do your family members enjoy those Christmas gifts so much that they are glad you skipped Thanksgiving dinner so you could go buy them?

Black Friday is a scam. Just like television commercials and programs that show us all of the wonderful, shiny, delightful things we just must have, Black Friday is about making us think that our lives will get better if we buy this stuff. Our food will taste better when prepared with power blenders and fancy coffee makers. Our friendships will be richer once we have an iPhone to chat with others. Our sex will be better if we wear the right underwear. We’ll finally feel rested if we cover our bed with the right high-thread count sheets.

Full-color sales ads are delivered to every house shouting out ridiculously low prices on great things. There are extremely low stocks of the “good stuff” for which people will wait in line for 12 hours, but that doesn’t stop the hunger for more goods. People trample each other, vying for the best position to get the newest gadgets. Fights break out. People die. Somehow we turn into more primitive versions of ourselves.

And at the end of the day, our cars are packed full of all these attempts at happiness. We drive home, unload the car and spend the evening alone in our house. Our only companions are silent; somehow they don’t seem quite as dazzling now as they did mere hours ago in the store. But never worry, soon the credit card bills will come in. The phone will ring off the hook as the collectors come calling.

Non-Shopping for the Recovering Consumer

I used to be a consumer. I liked to buy stuff. Good stuff. Stuff that made me happy. A lot of it. Especially books. My favorite thrift store used to sell books for $.10 apiece, and I would stop in every payday to spend a few dollars. Eventually, I realized that I had to get my spending under control, or be buried under a mountain of books.

When I go to a used bookstore just to browse (or while waiting for them to make an offer on my old books), I practice non-consumption. When I find a book that sounds interesting, I resist the urge to buy it. Instead, I take a photo of it with my bottom-of-the-line camera phone. Later I visit my library's website and put a hold on that book. I get to enjoy reading it and usually find that, while I enjoyed it, I don't need to own it. I get the pleasure of reading the book without paying a penny.

Sometimes I find the book so amazing that I know I'm going to come back to it again and again. In that case, it goes onto my wishlist on Paperbackswap. If after six month or so, I haven't received it from a fellow swapper, and it still sounds just as amazing as it did before, I might check out Amazon's Marketplace to buy it from an individual seller. Otherwise, I keep waiting for it to either become available at a good price, or I may find that I lose interest in owning it. However it works out, I always save money over just buying whatever books sound interesting as I shop.

I do the same thing with movies. I have a "Films to Watch" file on my computer. Whenever I see a trailer that looks good or hear of a new movie, I add it to the list. I then request these titles from the library. Some aren't available, but most are (I love my library). If I watch a library movie and find that it rocks my world, it goes on my Amazon wishlist or perhaps my birthday wishlist. I do the same thing for CDs.

Sometimes it's not a book or a movie that I want to try out, but an appliance or gadget. I will post a request on Freecycle and watch for listings from others. Sometimes I get items for free to try out. If Freecycle doesn't provide, I will start to keep an eye out at non-traditional outlets such as yard sales and thrift stores. Since I don't know how I'll take to the item, I don't want to spend big bucks purchasing it new.

If you are a recovering consumer, it can be hard to stop shopping cold turkey. Practicing non-shopping can not only keep you from making a purchase, but get you to think about why you want something, or even if you do.



For further reading, check out Penny Pinching Party, Frugal Tuesday. www.None.com

Prioritizing your Spending

Most of the suffering that comes from frugal living is not about cutting expenses, really, but from cutting the wrong ones. I am frugal so I can have the things I need and want. I just don't pay for anything else.

Often, personal finance gurus will tell you to know the difference between wants and needs and to spend only on the needs. That's a load of crap. No one can live a happy, frugal life without some of those wants! If you really want something, you should have it. The expenses you should cut are those things that you don't need, and don't really want either.

Every few months, I sit down for an hour and add up all of my check/debit/credit card purchases and organize them into different categories: groceries, utilities, eating out, business expenses, coffee dates, concerts, shopping, etc. From this, I can tell where a bulk of my money is going and figure out if it is going to the right places. On the more recent audit, I found that  "pleasure" shopping and eating out combined cost more than thrift shopping, coffee dates and concerts combined. In fact, we spent 3x as much on shopping/eating out as thrifting/coffee/concerts. However, we really don't like shopping and always feel guilty and less than satisfied with the quality of the food when eating out. Why were we spending so much on it then?

I am a pretty amazing cook, if I do say so. I also have a small apartment, so stuff takes up valuable space that I just can't spare. There is no need for me to spend money on those categories and I don't get very much pleasure at all from doing so. In fact, sometimes I feel sick after eating out (especially at Chinese buffets), so I am paying a high price to feel sick. On the other hand, I like going to local concerts and having coffee with Trucker where we read and talk for hours. I like finding things I need (or really want) for pennies on the dollar at thrift stores. I get a lot of bang for my buck.

There are a few of ways of looking at this. One: by cutting out the eating out/pleasure retail shopping categories, I would free up enough funds to go out for coffee/concerts/thrift stores four times as often as I currently do. This would certainly provide much more enjoyment for me. Two: I could take that money and throw it into savings for a big goal (right now my house down payment). Three: I could cut back my hours worked. The amount spent in this unwanted/unneeded category was the equivalent of 5 hours a week ($$$ spent divided by my pay rate after taxes). That's a lot of time spent for something I don't enjoy.

For now, I will combine the first two options. I will eliminate going out to eat, except under very rare circumstances (out of town guests, anniversary). I may go out for coffee once more a week. Otherwise, I will throw that extra money into my house fund. Just a note: by the time I am planning on buying my house, the savings will equal one third of my needed down payment! Once my goal is met, I may decide to cut back my hours, or I may wish to start saving for the next goal.

Look for things you spend money on that don't bring you pleasure and stop spending! If you make a rockin' homemade pizza that's far superior to any take out joint, stop ordering out! If you are annoyed constantly while driving three miles to work, start biking! Take the time or take the money for other things that will bring you happiness.

Happy living!